Less centralised work = less pollution

This is a topic I've been babbling on about for years: satellite offices. Essentially what I mean by that is office space located in villages, small towns and suburbs where employees can be connected to their large main offices without having to do the daily commute into large towns and cities.

I see a number of potential benefits to this.

Air quality
If offices are spread out over many different locations, fewer people will need to commute daily to cities, meaning less traffic and therefore less pollution. Many people could even walk or cycle short distances along routes with much cleaner air.

Cost of living
If people are less restricted by good transport links with large towns and cities, they can look for nice areas to live which cost less. The flip-side of that of course is:

House prices
Houses are most expensive in areas with good employment and/or transport links and good schools/other amenities. If there are employment opportunities in areas which are less well connected by roads/transport, more people will consider buying homes in those areas and if that continued, house prices would start to even out a little, making them more affordable in areas which are currently very expensive.

Quality of life
Imagine being able to walk or cycle a short distance on a relatively traffic-free route, perhaps after walking your children to school? Imagine not cramming yourself onto a packed commuter train or losing hours of your week in heavy traffic? And imagine being able to afford a house with a good-sized garden where previously you had to pay more for a house without?

Local business
Away from the large cities, business are struggling. High streets are full of empty shops and those that do survive tend to be the ones we ideally would see less of: bookies; pawn brokers; 'bargain' stores. If there were more employees in more areas, buying their lunch, picking up some groceries or gifts on their breaks or after work, high streets would be revitalised and that would spread the economic benefits out of the cities. But don't worry about them: the cities will be fine.

It just makes no sense to me that instead of using the technology we have available, we are all cramming ourselves into increasingly hectic and polluted cities. Of course there are many jobs that can't be done remotely. But personally, I don't know many people who really have to be physically present at work and many of them don't need to be there every day.

Employers and employees alike lose so much time and money commuting and it impacts on our health too. And our towns and villages would benefit hugely from having some employment opportunities.

For many years now there has been a lot of talk about Smart Cities. To me, it would be wise for cities to connect to other places not just for commuting and the transfer of goods and services but for employment too.

It wouldn't need to cost much: the technology is cheap; the office space would be cheap too. Businesses could save a lot of money by reducing their office space use in the most expensive areas. Perhaps incentives could be provided: e.g. a reduction in rates coupled with an increase in rates based upon numbers of employees commuting?

This needs to happen.

#TimeToTalkDay

I have talked and do talk about my mental health problems but today seems like a day to revisit this and try to sum up (although I do have a habit of rambling) where I've been and where I'm at, fitting in a few pointers for anyone unsure how to tackle suspected mental health problems in them or others, if and where I can.

I suffer with depression and anxiety disorder. Like many sufferers, I can be generally ok but a bad episode (which can potentially last years) can be triggered at any time by events out of my control.

History

I have patchy and blurred memories of my childhood but I now know what depression feels like and I know I suffered with it from a very early age. I wasn't mistreated in any way and had a fairly stable home life, albeit one with seemingly constant worries about money and health (my parents') that I absorbed, for some reason. I also think that my parents have suffered with mental health problems although we've never spoken about it (my Mum passed away a couple of years ago so I'll never really know what she went through) and I think that will have affected how I (and my two brothers) were raised.

I was a very sad child, often feeling lonely, small and weak. I was an easy target for bullies and didn't cope with it very well: even the light teasing could make me cry and set me apart from the other children. I did have some friends I played with in the playground etc but I never really felt like I was on a par with any of the other children. I've never really had a 'best friend'.

This continued and evolved right through my time at school. Looking back, some of my peers were very forgiving: tried to make me feel like one of them but I didn't make it easy for them: by then I didn't know how to be "normal" and respond in normal ways to normal situations. So by my teens the sense that I didn't fit in, and as a consequence, my sense of self-worth had become self-perpetuating. My peers must have thought I was quite weird and I only seemed capable of continually proving that to be true. I tried to fit in - I wanted to fit in - but my clumsy attempts just made me look even more odd. I found things to blame - such as the fact that my parents couldn't afford the branded trainers or games consoles most of the other kids had - and that was what made me different. I lied to make myself seem more normal. The usual things: a fake girlfriend that they didn't know; a working brother who had the clothes, stereos, games consoles etc that the kids had and I wanted (that was partly true but I embellished).

Parents and teachers will hopefully be more aware nowadays than they were in the 1980s. But if a child seems overly-burdened, isolated, sad, or reactionary, don't let it go on. It may not be that easy to spot, especially in a crowd, but it's imperative that we do.

I've often wanted to compartmentalise my past and hide it away. I tried it as a child, when we moved house and I went to a different school - but there I was a bit different: I had a slightly different accent and was generally brighter than most of the kids in my class. I tried again when I started College, but I was socially immature and failed again. I have memories of that period: my older brother moved out and I finally got my own bedroom. I spent many hours just lying on my bed staring at the wall, unable to summon the energy to do anything at all. I wanted to study, or do something creative, or do anything but I had absolutely no power move myself, other than to do the absolute minimum to exist and not get kicked out of College and University.

My parents suspected all was not well and my Dad clumsily tried to talk to me but I clammed up. I'd never felt particularly close to my family and they weren't the right people for me to talk to. There wasn't really anyone I could talk to at that time. My tip here would be to try to keep your own social circle and try to make sure your children have a social circle. I never did. As well as struggling to make friends at school, my parents didn't have a social life either - I'm not entirely sure why - and so apart from a cousin - who was equally as odd as me anyway - there wasn't anyone around my age to practice socialising with. I grew up with brothers nearly 8 years older and 6 years younger than me and they were my friends (not that it felt like it at the time!).

Socially, things improved a bit at University and again when I moved to Manchester: I was able to shut off my previous life and mostly start again. However, in my mid 20s, I had a bad episode of depression and acted in ways I'm now extremely embarrassed about: drukenly performing horribly depressing songs (I was in a band; I knew those songs would never see the light of day) to a couple of friends who had come up to my flat for a nightcap; storming around with the weight of the world on my shoulders; reacting badly to perceived criticism; ranting angrily against anything I didn't like (which was most things). I'm still friends with some of the people who saw me like that and I think that will always be at the back of my mind when I'm around them. It was around that time I was first offered counselling, although I wasn't really in a good place for it and it didn't do me much good. Eventually I struggled through it and mostly came out of the other side.

Depression hit again in my early 30s after being made redundant and stayed with me during a fairly lengthy period of unemployment. I had thought about suicide a lot as a child and adolescent but I was scared and also wanted to prove "everyone" wrong. The only time I've really thought about how I might do it was in 2009, staring out of a fourth-floor window, wondering whether I could make that work. What stopped me was knowing what it would do to my girlfriend and my parents. That time, I was more aware that I needed help and saw the GP when I found myself unable to cope. Many months later, when work and new friends had come along and my depression had lifted, I had CBT for depression and anxiety disorder. It helped me to understand some of the mental processes behind my illness and tried to give me the skills to break the cycle. I think I saw some benefits from it but although I was engaged and keen to help myself, I don't think I was really able to change all that much: perhaps my ingrained processes felt safer; I knew them and knew they'd kept me going. They were what made me me.

One of my own barriers to overcoming mental health disorders is the length of time I've suffered and believed in the existence of this flawed, angry victim. I've developed coping mechanisms which are counter-productive and, in the depths of an episode, I have to fight against the idea that I should stay this way. For some reason, I have an urge to be true to the person I feel I've always been, as though feeling well, positive and happy would make me a different person, someone I don't know.

My latest/current episode

For what felt like a long time, things were ok. I still struggled more than a lot of people with anxiety (failing to pass my driving test - twice - due to what felt like completely debilitating nerves) and had periods where worries were overwhelming, or I felt my anger at the world coming to the surface too quickly. But mostly, I was able to enjoy things and react relatively normally to situations.

Then, two years ago, my Mum passed away. My complicated feelings about my childhood and what makes me the way I am resurfaced at the same time as grief was starting to develop and worries for my Dad were prominent in my mind. Over the following weeks I was in a daze, battling on with work and raising a child on auto-pilot. A few months afterwards, I felt the depression rumbling towards me: I can't describe how I knew, I just knew. It was like I could sense a tidal wave headed towards me but I knew I was buried up to my head in the sand and I needed to get help.

I saw my GP and for the first time, I tried anti-depressants: this time, with a family and a more stressful job, I really needed day-to-day help. However, the side-effects were too much to cope with and I stopped taking them. This was one of the hardest periods of my life. I think my depression may have been deeper in my youth but this time, I had responsibilities. Again, it took a long time to get some therapy and I was really clinging on, crying at work almost every day (fortunately I have my own office so I could do that in private), shaking inside as I tried to deal with the demands of a toddler and my own expectations of what I needed to try to be as a Father; knowing that at that time, I was falling short. I'm not sure how things might have played out if I hadn't had such a supportive wife.

Eventually, therapy came. I was able to delve into my past and relate it to my present, exploring things I've thought about for years and finding new explanations for the ways that I act or deal with certain situations. I also tried some other anti-depressants and the side effects were considerably more manageable and my body overcame some of those (such as the tiredness which put a temporary halt on my exercise regime - which of course is meant to help with depression).

Some people don't want a diagnosis and I understand that: they don't want a label, feeling that it might define them. For me, it really helps to have a professional confirm that the way I am is understandable given the circumstances of my childhood and to agree with some of my own assessments of my problems. I took a lot of notes and will be able to refer back to them in future to remind myself of possible ways to head off future possible episodes or to deal with them if they do take hold.

At the moment, I'm still on anti-depressants but I'm considering discussing coming off them with the GP. Some of the more manageable symptoms are still an issue and I'm keen to see how I feel without taking the drug. I'm nervous, though: last year was hell at times, but I want to see if I can be like this on my own.

Serious enough for the heavyweights

I've been blown away by The Good, the Bad and the Queen's new album Merrie-Land: it took a long time for successful, respected artists to start writing about this stuff but wow this is good.

Damon Albarn has always had an unerring knack for a beautiful melody and now he seems to be writing the sort of things that I've been writing about for years, hopefully people will listen to what he is saying. Of course I'm not that talented, and I'm not famous, so my music was never going to change the world and was never going to influence others to start writing about politics, austerity, of division in society, of racism, of xenophobia etc.

The realities of brexit seem to have inspired The Good, the Bad and the Queen and this album is broadly about what England has become, the mindsets of those who voted to leave and urges people not to side with the rich and powerful. It is melancholy, it is desperate, it is lost for words to describe what has happened to this country. It talks about an imaginary place that never existed which people seem to hark back to, to whom the idea of leaving the European Union seems to have appealed.

In a recent Guardian article Albarn talked about his family's working class roots and his knowledge of the sort of lives working class people live. I may be a little less removed than Mr Albarn. When most of the media and all of my middle class friends were predicting a comfortable victory for remain I was the only one urging caution and suggesting that leave may surprise us.

For a long time in my adolescence and young adult life, I did not look kindly on where I had come from. I wanted out. I didn't fit in. I didn't feel I had much in common with the people I went to school with or worked with, or drank with in the local pub. And I didn't. When I moved to Manchester and met middle-class people I found myself at home amongst friends with much more open ideas of the world and that totally changed my life for the better.

However, as I became older and started to understand politics more, I was able to understand why people from working class areas were so disillusioned with mainstream politicians whose beliefs all sat within a narrow part of the political spectrum. New Labour may have temporarily improved the lives of many by investing in our schools and hospitals and may have started schemes to benefit some of the most vulnerable in our society, but they didn't do anything to fundamentally change the problems we see in large sections of our society, especially in post industrial areas.

So when I saw reporters stopping people on the street and asking them about politicians, I understood why they might say "politicians are all the same: they don't care about people like me." I would say that was probably true at the time and mostly still is now.

So when the media were almost all saying that remain would win easily, and my middle class friends all believed that there was no way people would vote to leave the EU, I was fearful that leave might win. And this is why, when most people dismissed Jeremy Corbyn and the minority left of the Labour party, I really felt that this was a big opportunity to give people some hope and something different that they could believe in, a party that might stand for them.

I'm not suggesting that I'm some sort of genius of political forecasting, just that the working class people in this country are a huge section of our society that have been left behind and with my background I could understand why they may vote a certain way and the certain things that may inspire them.

Damon Albarn may have been on the same page. He may have seen the same things that I've seen happening in society and may have made similar predictions to the ones I've made. But I've been surprised for many years now that more musicians in the public eye have not been writing songs with these political messages. It's been an outlet for me since 2008 when I was made redundant and spent a lot of my time while searching for work watching the news as another high street retailer failed, or another large corporation announced more redundancies. I was aware enough of what was going on to know that political ideology, not necessity, was behind austerity policies. I also saw first hand that in a lot of cases, employers would take advantage of the perceived problems in the economy to shrink their workforce and make people work harder because they would be happy that at least they still had a job, and those employers would make bigger profits in the process. That landscape and how politicians chose to deal with it (or not), was the fertiliser in the soil around the seeds of political disillusionment that brought us Brexit.

I was angry. I suddenly felt that the largest section in society had nobody standing up for them. And therefore it wasn't all that surprising to me when immigration and people on benefits were made scapegoats and it wasn't all that surprising when the brexit vote came in. In the US the same things were happening, and trump won. And when Jeremy Corbyn managed to get on the ballot paper, I knew he had a good chance of winning.

Anyway, finally, prominent musicians are writing about this and Merrie-Land is too strong an album to ignore. It will interest me to see the sort of coverage it receives in the media and whether it is swept under the carpet because the mainstream broadcasters don't want to address the issues it raises.

My mental health: a (relatively) short summary

I've struggled with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem for almost my entire life. Now that I know how these things affect me, I know at least some of those problems were present in my head as far back as infant school. I have some thoughts as to why but I can only really speculate and it's not all that relevant, except perhaps to say that there's a bit of a history of depression (and I think anxiety too) in my family.

At school, I had no confidence: I was physically and emotionally small and vulnerable. I felt like a victim, I acted like a victim and I became an easy target. And so began a cycle of being targeted and then reacting in a way that encouraged classmates and others to target me. If I wasn't unwell to start with, I certainly developed mental health problems in my early years at school. Teachers either didn't cotton on to the fact that I was unwell or just didn't know what to do about it. I don't know if anyone ever spoke to my parents.

That continued right through infant, junior and high school - and even college. I hated myself (if I'm being honest, I probably still do) and I think I acted so immaturely that people couldn't accept me as a peer. I think I stood out as a misfit and I desperately wanted to be building friendships like others seemed to be doing and I tried too hard. My social skills were very under-developed and I made countless clumsy attempts to assimilate, each time ending up looking even more out-of-place. Eventually, with watching and learning and as I and people around me matured, it started to become a bit easier. I still make a tit of myself on a fairly regular basis but I have begun to fit in a bit better and although I'll probably always feel like a bit of an imposter, I'm not always on the outside looking in.

However, when times get hard and challenges arise, I'm taken over by that angry, immature, reactionary person who often finds himself virtually immobile, unable to find the spirit to get off the floor, or shower, or leave the house. I've probably been guilty of what seem like cries for help although for me, they're much more like proclamations of my self-loathing. Because when I'm in trouble, I don't feel I'm worthy of help. I want people to know I hate myself even though telling them (in as subtle a way as I can muster) will only make me hate myself even more. People who have seen me like that surely can't feel the same about me ever again. I know one thing: I would love to be able to disappear and start again, removing anyone from around me who has ever seen me in the throes of depression.

Triggers so far have included loneliness, redundancy, stress and bereavement. With many years of experience behind me, I have a lot of insight and awareness and I even felt my most recent episode approaching. I was powerless to stop it, of course. With understanding and learning, I've turned myself into a mostly-functioning adult, husband, father and manager (thanks in part to Citalopram: having previously decided against anti-depressants, I knew I needed some extra help this time). My depression, anxiety and self-loathing hold me back and that's sad but, to be honest, for me it feels normal and in some ways, safe. I still don't really feel that I deserve any better: I don't feel that I deserve a wonderful wife, a brilliant little boy and good friends.

When I'm well, I'm much better at projecting a positive outlook than I used to be. In the past, I didn't want to lie about myself, or about anything but now I do it for the benefit of others because it doesn't help me to know that I'm making life hard for the people who keep me going.

Sometimes my mask slips and I feel ashamed. I'm trying. Hopefully the more people understand about conditions like mine, the more they will forgive me.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Apparently an opinion needs to be backed up with a report, so here it is.

The Last Jedi has divided opinion. Although I place far more importance on what is really happening in the world, part of me kind of understands the importance placed upon the Star Wars universe. I grew up in the 80s and my older brother was old enough to remember the the first Star Wars film coming out. I watched that film on TV when I was very small and grew up playing with the toys. The first film I went to see at the cinema was Return of the Jedi when I was six years old. Looking back and knowing a lot more now about my childhood psyche than I did then, I think, like many people have done with many different stories over the millennia, I lost myself in this fantastical Universe of aliens, heroes, villains and regular people finding they have magical powers (it still affects me now: the other night I dreamt I could 'force grab' objects and when I woke up, for a split second I wondered whether I really could!).

When the 'special editions' came out, I watched them back to back and, like most fans of the original trilogy, I ended up disappointed with the changes. When The Phantom Menace came out, I was really excited to see it and even convinced myself it was good - at first. I don't even remember going to see episodes II and III in the cinema - it's possible I didn't bother - but when I watched them later, I could only see the things I didn't like about them: the bad CGI, awful dialogue, plot points that affected the the original films and of course the awful Jar Jar Binks (and other less-mentioned but equally bad characters, e.g. Watto). But I own them on DVD, and I own the special editions, and I watch them from time to time and try to focus on the bits I enjoy and not the bits I think could have been done better. The Force Awakens was a relief. It's never going to be my favourite star wars film but I really enjoyed being introduced to the new characters and new worlds. I bought it on iTunes very early on and have watched it countless times.

I've seen The Last Jedi twice and loved it both times. I can't wait to see it again, I'll try to explain why.

Themes

There are recurring themes artfully woven into the story that hold everything going on in this film together.

Conflict and Decisions: 

Rey wants someone to help her to understand who she is and why and how to use her powers and while Luke is reluctant, Kylo is keen to bring her under his wing.

Luke has shut himself off: since RoTJ (when he was still very inexperienced and didn't know much about the history of the Jedi order), he has learned about the failings of the powerful Jedi council who allowed Palpatine to rise up right under their noses and he has learned about the origins of the Jedi order and feels that some of the origins - such as the Jedi being keepers of the peace - have been forgotten. He failed his family and he failed the galaxy by training Ben to use the force, only to see him take Snoke's side*. Now he sees this powerful young woman needing his help and questions whether he can do anything to help her and ultimately the galaxy.

Kylo Ren is battling the good in him - as shown in the moment he chooses not to destroy the part of the ship his Mother was in - with the knowledge that he has killed innocent people, notably his Father. He is also fighting incompatible feelings of inadequacy (compared to his idea of Vader that is probably based on minimal facts - he may not know that Vader killed Palpatine, for example), with an urge to prove his powers to himself, and to Snoke, who constantly taunts him.

By the end of The Force Awakens, Finn seemed to have decided which side he is on, but as the First Order show their strength, he gets cold feet. He wants to help but he's human, and he's scared of dying. DJ shows him and Rose that the Resistance also buy weapons of war from the wealthy people on Canto Bight and that doesn't help his indecision. The battle on Crait shows the point when he decides he is willing to die for the cause, only for Rose to 'save' him.

Leia feels she needs someone to step up into her shoes: perhaps simply fearful she might die in battle; perhaps she knows her time is coming to an end. But Poe, the hero most likely to be able to rally the troops, is still a trigger-happy ace pilot and isn't ready for leadership. Her frustration shows when she slaps him.

*We haven't yet seen exactly why Ben turned to the dark side but mentioned in Bloodline is the moment he found out that Vader was his Grandfather and it wasn't his that told him. When that truth was discovered (the entire New Republic senate found out at the same time), not only might he have felt betrayed by his parents and by Luke that they had never told him themselves, that event might also have been what alerted Snoke to Ben's existence, lineage and his potential.

Legacy and Weight of Expectation:

Parts of the way this theme is explored is meta: the expectations of this film and the questions the Force Awakens left us with mirror the legend of Luke and the Jedi order. How can everyone's expectations be satisfied? Is the praise and the legend deserved?

We have been waiting for Luke's reaction for two years and I thought him tossing the light sabre over his shoulder was brilliant and the scene of Rey following him around the island while he caught fish and milked some sort of sea cow showed him in slightly-crazed hermit Jedi mode, like Yoda on Degobah: starved of social interaction, cantankerous and a bit awkward. People who hate this film wanted to see Luke 'ignite the green' and take out hundreds of First Order troops and battle dark side force users. But what we got was unexpected and I think far more interesting for that. Some have said Luke is not a hero, but he used force powers we've never seen before to not only allow the remaining resistance fighters to flee but also to inspire people across the galaxy to rise up and fight the First Order. Those kids, telling each other the legend of Luke Skywalker might be future Resistance fighters or even Jedi but they are also us as fans, watching the films, reading comic books and playing star wars video games, talking about the Jedi Knights and creating our own legends about our heroes. (We could also speculate that when Luke gives himself up to the force, he could potentially be releasing his power back into the galaxy that may become manifested in other force-sensitive characters.)

Failure

Traditionally in Star Wars, we see a small band of rebels succeed against seemingly insurmountable odds and after a while, that gets predictable (we knew in Rogue One of course, that they would pull it off). People have criticised the Canto Bight sequence as pointless but it is important for a number of reasons: we see child slaves and get a sense that it's not just our shrinking band of heroes we should be hoping to save; DJ overhears the Resistance's plan and tells the First Order which allows them to reduce the Resistance to almost nothing; Finn learns more about the galaxy that will ultimately help him choose to stick with the resistance.

And that's not the only bit about failure. Luke tells Rey about the Jedi Order's failure to even detect Palpatine, let alone stop his rise to power. We see how Luke failed Ben and nearly killed him. Poe fails to learn how to follow and how to lead until it falls to him because there's no one else left for Leia to turn to. Snoke fails to see that Kylo Ren is going to kill him (I'm still not 100% convinced his spirit is dead but he looked surprised by Kylo's attack!). Kylo Ren fails to sense that Luke isn't even there on Crait. Yoda talks about lessons we learn from failure.

Humour

I wouldn't have minded if there'd been less humour in The Last Jedi but I liked what was there. At the beginning of the film, I was so tense: I was excited but worried it wouldn't be a good film. The opening scene with Poe taunting Hux settled my nerves with some - in my opinion - well-placed and well-executed humour, and I feel that way about most of the humour in this film^. Yoda's "Read them have you? Page turners they are not!" is a particularly memorable line for me.

^All of the original films used humour in tense moments and the opening gag from Poe could easily have been something Han Solo might have come out with while stalling for time ("....we're all fine now....how are you?" / "Threepio you tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth he'll get no such pleasure from us."). And there were cheesy gags in those films too. Humans make jokes in real life during difficult times. Trust me on that: my Mum died last year and we made jokes in difficult situations to help us through.
 

Scenes / ideas I loved

I've already talked about a few things I really liked but here are more.

I really like the new force powers. Snoke connected Rey and Kylo's minds, I guess assuming that Rey would lead them to Luke, and/or would come to him and he could turn - or kill - her. I thought Luke's astral projection was amazing: I didn't see that coming. Each of the originals introduced us to new force powers (mind control and choking; moving objects; lightning) and, just like humans are continually getting beating world records and using science to find new solutions, force users are able to learn new ways of harnessing the force.

I like grumpy, reluctant Luke. He had a brief dalliance with success as a hopeful, youthful hero, then set about learning more about the Jedi and the force. He failed with Ben's training and feels, understandably, that he is to blame for everything that happened thereafter. Coupled with what he learned about the past failings of the Jedi, he decided that even if the Jedi were to again become the peacekeepers they were once meant to be, he certainly wasn't the person to do it. Imagine feeling you're the only Jedi in the whole galaxy? And one whose Father caused so much death, fear and suffering: Luke could have had legitimate reasons to worry that an extremely powerful dark side-user (Snoke, rather than Kylo) could turn him to the dark side too. The pressure these things would put on anyone would be incredible, especially if they didn't feel they were up to the task.

The fight with the praetorian guards was a triumph of choreography. It was great to see Kylo Ren and Rey working together, and it was actually a twist when they then didn't team up.

I loved Yoda's appearance, his laughter as he destroys the tree (which Luke thinks contain the ancient Jedi texts) and his ideas about the Jedi teachings which both tell Luke he needs to use what he has learned but also not be too reliant on old theories that might be open to interpretation (another possible meta point, which could be referring to fans who've pored over the old non-canon novels).

Adam Driver is particularly good. It must be really tough to play a tortured, complicated character without coming across as over-the-top and he nails it. Mark Hamill is really good too. I totally believe that is Luke Skywalker even though everything has changed for him. I wasn't so keen on Carrie Fisher in TFA (where I thought Harrison Ford stepped uncannily into the shoes of an older Han Solo, I didn't feel Carrie Fisher came across like Leia) but in TLJ, Leia was back. Kelly Marie Tran is really good and plays a very likeable Rose Tico. Daisy Ridley and John Boyega are also good, although I think it was always going to be tough to match their brilliant performances in The Force Awakens - I need to watch TLJ a few more times to make a judgement on that. Other notable performances include Laura Dern and Andy Sirkis. 

And I think possibly my favourite ever moment in any star wars film was Holdo tearing through the star destroyers at light speed. When the First Order said she was preparing to jump to light speed and we saw the Raddus turn I knew - but was astonished by - what she was going to do, and the way it was executed with the silence heightening the visual impact of the moment was astonishing. I honestly don't ever remember feeling so amazed by any scene in any film I've ever watched.

Things I didn't like (as much)

I don't hate the Canto Bight sequence as much as a lot of people but it could have been done better. I really liked the idea of seeing the wealthy people in the galaxy: apart from politicians in the prequels, we haven't seen anything of their world but there was something a bit tacked-on about it. I liked the fact that the mission failed and I liked the ideas it gave Finn about the galaxy. I thought the Fathiers looked pretty good for CGI creatures but the scene when they run through the casino doesn't really work for me. 

I'm still not keen on Hux. We're not meant to like him of course and he's not there on merit (his Father was a general so we assume he's sort of inherited his reputation in some way) but he seems like too much of a cartoon villain to me. I like Domhnall Gleeson but I don't think he's right for this part.

I wasn't too keen that everyone in that docking bay was knocked out and most killed but Finn and Rose were fine. I've tried to tell myself they were protected from the blast because they were already on the ground, but whatever, it still seemed a bit unbelievable - even in a film where people can use their minds to communicate across the galaxy!

I wasn't keen on the Maz Kanata scene, it felt a bit shoe-horned in. I wasn't a big fan of Maz in TFA: although Lupito Nyong'o is really good, to me Maz is too obviously CGI. Perhaps Rian Johnson feels that way too, which might explain her brief appearance via hologram.

Although I liked seeing Leia use the force, the way she moved through space wasn't great for me. I'd have preferred more visible effort or at least for it to be less straight, less Mary Poppins.

It took me a while to think of all these negative points. None of them impacted my overall enjoyment of the film.

Final Thoughts

The Empire Strikes back, partly due to good writing and excellent editing and partly due to luck (sometimes with creating a song or a painting or a film, it all just comes together), is probably as close to a perfect film as Star Wars is ever going to get. I think. I find it impossible to be objective about the original trilogy because I grew up with them and I still love almost every minute of all three films (the originals, that is - there are definitely quite a few minutes in the special editions that I don't like). The corny gags, Threepio's annoying ways, plot holes later inadequately explained away, none of it matters because I will always be that little boy, escaping the bullies and other worries by immersing myself in the possibilities of this fantastical galaxy.

When watching a new film for the first time as an adult, it's difficult to be subjective like a child can be. But we can try. And if we don't want to try, that's fine - perhaps for some people star wars will always be in the past and maybe they need to accept that and move on and let the next generation enjoy star wars the way we did. It's ok to not like something but try not to spoil it for everyone else. Big budget films need broad appeal. Star Wars can't be written to appeal only to the fans who grew up with the original trilogy: it also needs to appeal to fans who grew up with the prequels and it needs to win over new fans too. Star Wars fans in their 30s and 40s aren't enough. Some critics seems to have a very rigid view of what a star wars film should be, or perhaps they've read all the non-canon books and see Luke differently - but unfortunately those are no longer relevant to the story of this character. Perhaps Luke doing something unexpected to inspire kids across the galaxy was an intentional metaphor for Star Wars doing something different to breathe new life into it. I know for certain that if we always got what was expected - based on past films and canonical stories - the films would get very samey and quite boring and I don't want that. I think Rian Johnson and the other creators and editors of TLJ have made a film that is new and different and expands the lore and yet it is all done in a completely Star Wars way.

I saw it the morning it came out and by the second time I saw it, I was worried that the online criticism would spoil it for me but it didn't at all. For what it's worth, after watching it twice, I give The Last Jedi 4/5 and I can't wait to buy it and watch it many more times.

Try again, and again, and again.

Crying at my desk again. Took my glasses off, wiped my eyes, put them back on. Try again. And again. And again. And again until it, or I, am done.

Parenting (and grandparenting) in the 21st century

The rising costs of childcare while wage growth continues to stagnate has been a big topic lately, and the reliance on grandparents for help with childcare has been part of that. But for many, this is not an option. And I think our story, and many like it, will increasingly become the norm.

I think there are three key reasons why parents raising young children now have a more difficult and costly experience of organising childcare than their parents and grandparents:

• Income vs cost of living: housing costs have risen far more quickly than wages, meaning that for most modern families, both parents need to work at least most of the week if not full time
• Centralisation and availability of work: it is now more common for us to take up completely different careers to our parents and more work is now concentrated in cities and large towns than ever before, meaning that more people are likely to move away from the family home 
• The above factors are also key reasons that people are now older when they become parents and that means their parents are also older and their health may mean they are less able to take on childcare responsibilities.

All three of these factors are part of our story.

I grew up in a working class household but the sort of work my dad, grandparents, great-grandparents etc all did when they left school just didn't exist anymore and have never been replaced. I was all too aware of the struggles of working class people as industry collapsed under Thatcherism and so I went to University and at the earliest opportunity, I got a job in Manchester and moved here. After various career-related moves and delays (I was made redundant aged 30 and had to start at the bottom in a totally new career), we now have a house and a two-year-old boy.

Sadly, my wife's mum passed away nearly ten years ago and my own mum died earlier this year. Although my mum at least got to know our son as a baby and toddler, she wasn't well enough to play a bigger role in his life. My parents' house is nearly an hour's drive away (sometimes more, depending on traffic at the time) and my dad is losing his confidence behind the wheel - particularly as the traffic around Manchester seems to get worse every year. And as an old-fashioned working dad, where my mum did the majority of the parenting, he'll probably never feel comfortable or confident enough to take on any kind of 'grandparenting' role at least until our son is quite a few years older.

My wife moved up from Somerset for a job here in Manchester.When we do see her dad and step-mum, it's usually for a weekend or even a week, and they have been able to look after our son for a few hours during the day, or have kept an ear on the baby monitor after we've put him to bed. It may be that they are still fit enough to look after him for longer periods when he is old enough to be happy with that himself but due to the distance, it will never be a regular thing.

I do have friends whose parents are able to look after their children, some on a regular basis but I probably know more who don't have that option due to some or all of the factors mentioned above. And I'm somewhat surprised that for all the popularity of the topic in recent times, I haven't read very much that discusses how, unless our economy and the geographic distribution of employment opportunities re-balance, parents are going to be less able to rely on grandparents for childcare.

It is also worth pointing out humans are instinctively social and for the vast majority of human history (and it is still the case for many), large family groups have lived in close proximity and one of the benefits of those groups is the sharing of childcare responsibilities. So what we are currently seeing is not unusual, in fact society urgently needs to address the issues that are making us less able to enjoy the benefits of having our families around us.